Why Jesus?

She was a 38 year old mother of 2, (to a five-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son), when she lost hope, took a gun and shot herself. She died Thursday, February 19th, 2009, and left behind a loving, caring, devastated family. What draws someone to the point of suicide? What robs us of our hope?

In my life, I have known despair. Having grown up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic home, where both my parents battled the disease, I was extremely fragile. My first marriage was torn down and shattered into pieces. It was the darkest days of my life. They were darker than when I was molested as a child and darker than when my dad was diagnosed and died from lung cancer. The loss of a relationship can strip us of our self-worth and of our hope.

Why am I exposing myself on a public BLOG? Because, through it all, I have clung to hope. The object of my hope became Jesus when I turned 30. He has been the stronghold in my life, counseled me through many battles, and lifted me up when it appeared the boat was sinking.

1 Danna Demetre said:
“We can’t KNOW HOPE unless we’ve KNOWN DESPAIR
(2Cor1:8b) Paul writes, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even for life.”
We can’t know TRUE JOY unless we’ve KNOWN SORROW
(Ps 116:3b) Psalmist writes, “I was overcome by trouble & sorrow.”
We can not TRULY FORGIVE unless we’ve EXPERIENCED FORGIVENESS
(Col 3:13) “Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.”
We can not GIVE PURE LOVE until we have KNOWN THE AUTHOR of true love
(1John 4:19) “We love because he first loved us.”

I lost my “voice” for this BLOG, these past several weeks, as I struggled with healing and patience. Yet the Lord is my portion and continues to provide for me through the love that pours out from friends and family. It is through God’s grace that I have found my “voice” to be a light of hope. It has been through God’s grace that I have found my “sight.” Despite my double vision, I am so grateful to be able to see.

The song, Because You Loved Me, was not written for Jesus. However, it has become my theme song to Jesus. On May 7, 2000, as I spoke to a group of high school students, and their moms, this song became my prayer. As I listen to the words, I am always reminded of the many times God has held me up:

Dear Jesus,
For all those times You stood by me
For all the truth that You made me see
For all the joy You brought to my life
For all the wrong that You made right
For every dream You made come true
For all the love I’ve found in You
I’ll be forever thankful.

You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall.
You’re the one that saw me through it all.

Jesus, You are my strength when I am weak. (2 Cor 12: 8-10)
You are my voice when I can not speak.
You are my eyes when I can not see.
You see the best there is in me.
You lifted me up when I couldn’t reach.
You gave me faith cause You believed.

I’m everything I am, Because You love me.


1You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, You gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I “have” Your love I “have” it all
I’m grateful for each day You “give” me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I “am” blessed because I “am” loved by You

You “are” always there for me
The tender wind that “carries” me
A light in the dark shining Your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies You “are” the truth
My world is a better place because of You

Amen

Yes, the Lord has got my attention…I pray he has also gotten your attention. I am finding a renewed attitude in many areas of my life. Recently, I embraced my vision with gladness and thankfulness that I can see at all. "Seeing" was hidden behind my self-pity. By embracing my sight, I can "see" the Lord more clearly now. I feel like the passion and fire I felt, prior to the surgery, is coming back; God's purpose for my life is beginning to emerge again!

It is definitely a new dance. I know many of you are still on the dance floor. What a joy it is to lock arms with each of you.

Love,

Laura