SINGLE VISION

Thursday morning, April 22, the patch came off, and I looked at the picture on the wall. For the first time, in 18 months, there was only one picture on the wall. Most of my vision has been restored to single vision. It is still very weird. As I wear my prescription glasses, I have to remind myself that the prism, that corrected the double vision, is gone. What I see is what I really see. I still see double when looking down, like reading a book, but that is easily corrected by lifting the book up or tilting my head down. The same when looking at the computer. I know I can adapt to this, as I have adapted to it for the past 18 months.

I did have a bit of a melt down Thursday night. As I was watching TV, my eyes just split into double vision for no reason. I could consciously pull them back, but it kept happening. I was so scared, I just lost it. I feel better today, Friday, after my doctor appointment. He feels everything is OK. He suggests we just need to wait and see how my eyes heal and my brain adjusts before worrying about it. For now, I will not be doing much/any driving until I am certain I can control the double vision. Yes, I am a bit stressed, but I am kind of relieved that the doctor is not worried.

Thank you ALL for your prayers and your kind thoughts. Here is my prayer back to each of you…

May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

I also pray this prayer, daily, for you (Yes, this one comes up as a pop up reminder!)…

God, bless all my friends, family (and me) in whatever it is that You know we may be needing this day! Open our ears, our eyes, and, most importantly, our hearts to you. May our lives be full of Your grace, peace, prosperity and power as we seek to have a closer relationship with You. I pray the Holy Spirit will empower us to resist temptation and replace temptation with a desire to reach out to others in kindness and love. Use us, Lord, as the servants that we are. Help us to recognize when You open doors for us, we might faithfully walk through.

God, thank you for the miracles of modern medicine and for restoring my vision. Amen.

With love,

Laura

Flashlight of Hope

In October 2008, it appeared my life path was coming to an end. Instead, the Lord handed me a bright, powerful, fully-charged flashlight (with steroid induced batteries) that, when pointed on Him, reflected a blanket of light down on me through hundreds of friends, family and strangers who walked with me on my journey. The light made the uncertain road an adventure filled with curves, valleys, mountain top experiences and a few melt downs as the batteries lost their charge. It is a chapter in my life I hope never to lose on a shelf. Wednesday, April 21, 2010, is the final preparation to the start of a new chapter in my book. As I tried to come to terms with the realization that the surgery will only partially correct my double vision, the Lord focused my flashlight on Nash, a little, 3-year-old boy (the son of a friend of mine) who was recently diagnosed with a tumor in his eye. The eye was removed, and there is still uncertainty whether the other eye will develop the same, rare, genetic mutation. Within a few days after his surgery, Nash was out running and playing, unfazed by the loss of his eye. My flashlight was, once again, re-charged and lifted up as the Lord continues to remind me that despite the mountains I have climbed, there is someone else with a much steeper mountain to climb. It is by Grace that we reach the top of each mountain set before us. It is by Grace that we learn how to live within our limitations, disappointments, pain and loss. It is by Grace that our flashlights are charged and we see the world in a whole new light.

Although my single vision will not be restored, completely, we hope for significant improvement to my forward vision. On Thursday morning, at 8 AM, the bandage will be removed from my right eye, and, depending on the outcome of the surgery, the doctor can make an adjustment to the slip-knot of a stitch in an attempt to fine-tune my vision. It is not a perfect science.

Thank you for praying for the success of this surgery. More importantly, thank you for praying for an opportunity to use my flashlight as an encouragement to others.

Bill Walker's Walk of Hope

For those of you that know me, I often pour out my thoughts on paper. Today is no exception. I want to share with you a moment in time that was a powerful testament of God’s love and how He works in our lives. I know it is a bit lengthy, sorry…but the story needs to be told.

WHAT CANCER CAN NOT DO…IN MEMORY OF BILL WALKER

It cannot…

Invade the soul,

Suppress memories,

Kill friendship,

Destroy peace,

Conquer the spirit

Shatter hope

Cripple love

Corrode faith

Steal eternal life

Silence courage.

Several months ago, Bill Walker hugged me and called me his “angel.” Others, close to Bill, echoed the same sentiment. I was flattered, but never felt worthy of the complement. Today, I still do not feel worthy to be called an angel, but I am eternally grateful that these words opened my eyes to God’s call to minister to Bill and his family. Sunday morning, the day after Bill was called into his eternal home, the Lord spoke to me clearly and unequivocally, reminding me that He was in control and that I was merely His messenger.

Let me start at the beginning. I was given several opportunities to share God’s love with Bill and Peggy. Visiting with them was very special, but each time I left, I felt my words were inadequate. I felt I could have said more, done more, shared more. I would often follow up with an e-mail, as it has been much easier for me to write out my thoughts than to speak them. I never wanted to intrude in their lives, but one night I told Cindy that I needed time alone with Bill, because I desperately wanted to know where he was in his faith. The opportunity presented itself quickly, and joyfully, with Peggy, Cindy, Keith, Bob, Bill and I joined together in a conversation about faith. Bill confessed that although he was never much of a church goer, he did have faith. Before I left that night, I found myself standing “alone” with Bill, in a room full of family. I put my arm around him, and he put his arm around me, we hugged and I prayed for him, just the two of us. That night the door was opened and Jesus’ love was poured out. Yet, I still left feeling I should have said more.

There were several other opportunities given to me to share God’s love with Bill and Peggy. On Friday evening, Cindy called me to let me know that her Dad was not doing well. I hesitated to ask if Bob and I could come over, but by the end of the conversation there was no need to ask. When we got to the house, we joined a room full of family. Bill was awake but not overly responsive. Bob sat with him for a short time, until I moved into his place. I opened my Bible and read John 14:1-4, where Jesus said to his disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” I told Bill I wanted him to save me a room next to his. He said he wanted one with a view. We laughed. In Cindy’s words, “Laura and Daddy have had some good talks and she's prayed for him. When she walked into the room Friday...he lifted his arms high up to her and embraced her like he hadn't to ANY of the other family who were there. We've always known they had a special relationship and thought of her as a daughter....BUT....I have to tell you, that he wasn't only hugging Laura....he was hugging God because she didn't stand alone that day. HE walked into the room with her. She prayed in a circle with all of us, and it wasn't long after that that Daddy slipped into a coma and just didn't wake up.”

I really do not know what I said when I prayed that night. When Bob and I got home, I was unsettled. Throughout the night, I kept waking up and thinking, "I should have said..., I should have said..." In the morning, I prayed for another chance to pray with Bill and the family.

It is so important, to stop here and point out the significance of God’s timing. Shortly after we gathered around Bill Friday night, held hands, and prayed, Bill fell asleep. Because I was celebrating Jamie’s birthday from 9 AM to around 2 PM, Saturday, I wasn’t able to check in until that afternoon. I called Eileen and offered to bring everyone Starbucks. She was obviously pleased. They had been up all night. In Cindy’s words, “Bob and Laura had been told that Daddy was in a coma, but Laura still needed to see him. They'd been in the room about 10 minutes or so and I swear he heard her. When she was talking and laughing with Mom, over ‘dad’ stories, Eileen called me to look at Daddy. He'd opened his eyes...wasn't focused or ‘there,’ but they had opened up and he drew his last breaths. I believe he held on until Laura and Christ walked into the room. Then it was okay for him to go. I've never seen anything like it, and I probably never will again. The power and peace at that moment was so moving. Laura held his arm, as we all held onto a part of Daddy, and he let go.”

Yes, I touched Bill's arm, closed my eyes, and thanked God for this second chance. I prayed for the Lord to open the door to the room he had prepared for Bill. As I prayed, Bill took his last breath. It is hard to explain, but there was a connection between my fingers and the crook of Bill’s arm. It felt like our veins were connected as the blood flowed between the two of us. Even after his last breath, I felt this flow. I was in awe of this very intense, but joy-filled second-chance to be with Bill, to pray over Bill, and to experience the Lord carry him home. I have no doubt that the Lord was in that room, and I have not doubt that Bill is with our Lord Jesus.

Sunday morning, as I sat in church, filled with the sadness of our loss, I picked up the bulletin and read the following quote. “God already knows anything we could ever say. Therefore, prayer is primarily about communion, not communication,” by Ben Patterson. God’s timing is perfect. I am now at peace with the words spoken Friday night. It was not about the words…it was not about me. I really don't need to know what I said. It is about trusting in a God that loves us. It is about being open to Jesus’ call. It is about allowing God’s grace to flow in us and through us.

On February 3^rd, I shared the following song with Bill and Peggy. The words are below. You can hear it at http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=8&id=1038844 . Bill Walker is with our God. He is at peace. He is without pain.

THERE IS A GOD

Try and put your arms around
the 100 year old tree
Climb up on a horse
and let it run full speed
Take a look down at the world from 30,000 feet
on your next flight

Watch a flock of birds
against the morning sun
Close your eyes and listen
to the river run
Catch a firefly in your hand
or a raindrop on your tongue
That's right

Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

Plant a seed and see
what comes out of the ground
Find the heartbeat on your baby's ultrasound
In a few years hear it laughing,
and don't it sound like a song?

Stop and think about
what you don't understand
Things like life and love
and how the world began
Hear the doctor say he can't explain it,
but the cancer is gone

Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

Bridge:
Science says it's all just circumstance
Like this whole worlds just an accident
But if you want to shoot that theory down,
Look around

Just look around

There is a God
There is a God
There is a God,
How much proof do you need?

Oh there is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?

In His Grip,

Laura