For those of you that know me, I often pour out my thoughts on paper. Today is no exception. I want to share with you a moment in time that was a powerful testament of God’s love and how He works in our lives. I know it is a bit lengthy, sorry…but the story needs to be told.
WHAT CANCER CAN NOT DO…IN MEMORY OF BILL WALKER
It cannot…
Invade the soul,
Suppress memories,
Kill friendship,
Destroy peace,
Conquer the spirit
Shatter hope
Cripple love
Corrode faith
Steal eternal life
Silence courage.
Several months ago, Bill Walker hugged me and called me his “angel.” Others, close to Bill, echoed the same sentiment. I was flattered, but never felt worthy of the complement. Today, I still do not feel worthy to be called an angel, but I am eternally grateful that these words opened my eyes to God’s call to minister to Bill and his family. Sunday morning, the day after Bill was called into his eternal home, the Lord spoke to me clearly and unequivocally, reminding me that He was in control and that I was merely His messenger.
Let me start at the beginning. I was given several opportunities to share God’s love with Bill and Peggy. Visiting with them was very special, but each time I left, I felt my words were inadequate. I felt I could have said more, done more, shared more. I would often follow up with an e-mail, as it has been much easier for me to write out my thoughts than to speak them. I never wanted to intrude in their lives, but one night I told Cindy that I needed time alone with Bill, because I desperately wanted to know where he was in his faith. The opportunity presented itself quickly, and joyfully, with Peggy, Cindy, Keith, Bob, Bill and I joined together in a conversation about faith. Bill confessed that although he was never much of a church goer, he did have faith. Before I left that night, I found myself standing “alone” with Bill, in a room full of family. I put my arm around him, and he put his arm around me, we hugged and I prayed for him, just the two of us. That night the door was opened and Jesus’ love was poured out. Yet, I still left feeling I should have said more.
There were several other opportunities given to me to share God’s love with Bill and Peggy. On Friday evening, Cindy called me to let me know that her Dad was not doing well. I hesitated to ask if Bob and I could come over, but by the end of the conversation there was no need to ask. When we got to the house, we joined a room full of family. Bill was awake but not overly responsive. Bob sat with him for a short time, until I moved into his place. I opened my Bible and read John 14:1-4, where Jesus said to his disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” I told Bill I wanted him to save me a room next to his. He said he wanted one with a view. We laughed. In Cindy’s words, “Laura and Daddy have had some good talks and she's prayed for him. When she walked into the room Friday...he lifted his arms high up to her and embraced her like he hadn't to ANY of the other family who were there. We've always known they had a special relationship and thought of her as a daughter....BUT....I have to tell you, that he wasn't only hugging Laura....he was hugging God because she didn't stand alone that day. HE walked into the room with her. She prayed in a circle with all of us, and it wasn't long after that that Daddy slipped into a coma and just didn't wake up.”
I really do not know what I said when I prayed that night. When Bob and I got home, I was unsettled. Throughout the night, I kept waking up and thinking, "I should have said..., I should have said..." In the morning, I prayed for another chance to pray with Bill and the family.
It is so important, to stop here and point out the significance of God’s timing. Shortly after we gathered around Bill Friday night, held hands, and prayed, Bill fell asleep. Because I was celebrating Jamie’s birthday from 9 AM to around 2 PM, Saturday, I wasn’t able to check in until that afternoon. I called Eileen and offered to bring everyone Starbucks. She was obviously pleased. They had been up all night. In Cindy’s words, “Bob and Laura had been told that Daddy was in a coma, but Laura still needed to see him. They'd been in the room about 10 minutes or so and I swear he heard her. When she was talking and laughing with Mom, over ‘dad’ stories, Eileen called me to look at Daddy. He'd opened his eyes...wasn't focused or ‘there,’ but they had opened up and he drew his last breaths. I believe he held on until Laura and Christ walked into the room. Then it was okay for him to go. I've never seen anything like it, and I probably never will again. The power and peace at that moment was so moving. Laura held his arm, as we all held onto a part of Daddy, and he let go.”
Yes, I touched Bill's arm, closed my eyes, and thanked God for this second chance. I prayed for the Lord to open the door to the room he had prepared for Bill. As I prayed, Bill took his last breath. It is hard to explain, but there was a connection between my fingers and the crook of Bill’s arm. It felt like our veins were connected as the blood flowed between the two of us. Even after his last breath, I felt this flow. I was in awe of this very intense, but joy-filled second-chance to be with Bill, to pray over Bill, and to experience the Lord carry him home. I have no doubt that the Lord was in that room, and I have not doubt that Bill is with our Lord Jesus.
Sunday morning, as I sat in church, filled with the sadness of our loss, I picked up the bulletin and read the following quote. “God already knows anything we could ever say. Therefore, prayer is primarily about communion, not communication,” by Ben Patterson. God’s timing is perfect. I am now at peace with the words spoken Friday night. It was not about the words…it was not about me. I really don't need to know what I said. It is about trusting in a God that loves us. It is about being open to Jesus’ call. It is about allowing God’s grace to flow in us and through us.
On February 3rd, I shared the following song with Bill and Peggy. The words are below. You can hear it at http://www.onlylyrics.com/
THERE IS A GOD
Try and put your arms around
the 100 year old tree
Climb up on a horse
and let it run full speed
Take a look down at the world from 30,000 feet
on your next flight
Watch a flock of birds
against the morning sun
Close your eyes and listen
to the river run
Catch a firefly in your hand
or a raindrop on your tongue
That's right
Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
Plant a seed and see
what comes out of the ground
Find the heartbeat on your baby's ultrasound
In a few years hear it laughing,
and don't it sound like a song?
Stop and think about
what you don't understand
Things like life and love
and how the world began
Hear the doctor say he can't explain it,
but the cancer is gone
Chorus:
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
Bridge:
Science says it's all just circumstance
Like this whole worlds just an accident
But if you want to shoot that theory down,
Look around
Just look around
There is a God
There is a God
There is a God,
How much proof do you need?
Oh there is a God
There is a God
There is a God
How much proof do you need?
In His Grip,
Laura
