As many of you know, I have been attempting to write a letter to Jesus, once a week, since February 2008. Since my surgery, I have been lucky to make time to write a letter once a month, let alone once a week. However, today begins a new commitment to my time with God, as I have delivered my fears and frustrations into His hands and am learning to dance in the rain. Rather than rewrite my letter into a BLOG posting, it is easier, and wiser, to just share my letter with you, as it will answer many of your questions on how I am doing.
Dear Jesus,
What started as a weekly commitment to write a letter to you, has turned into a monthly attempt to get back on track. Fortunately, what has not been written down, into a letter, has been expressed through prayer. Thank you for all that you have done in my life. Thank you for lifting me up when I have fallen.
Today I want to capture my thoughts and then share them on my BLOG. It is a recap of where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually. All three have been impacted by You. Physically I am coping with my “new normal” which is double vision and confused nerves in my face. You have reminded me, over and over, to be thankful for what I have, my vision, and not to dwell on what I don’t have. Recently, I discovered that my vision is much worse looking down, and I can’t help but wonder if this is your way of reminding me to keep “looking up.” I feel lighter on my feet, these days, although I must admit there is a small cloud hanging over my head, reminding me that this physical journey is not over. I still face the likeliness of eye surgery and the possibility of the tumor growing and causing more complications. Lord, I put my fears, my frustrations, and my physical body into your hands. I trust that my physical journey can be used as a voice to remind me, and others, that you are on this journey with me/us, and you will provide the strength, comfort, and resiliance we need to face all of life with joy.
Emotionally, I am connected to my physical, most of the time. However, recently, I have felt the strength to detach my physical concerns from my emotional state of mind. By separating the two, my emotional high is returning. I feel a renewed energy to embrace life with enthusiasm and excitement. As much as I like slow dancing, there is something special when dancing with joy.
My physical “repair,” as well as my emotional well-being, have centered on my spiritual journey, which, I must say, has been the rock in the course of the storm...it has been my life jacket in the middle of the sea and my parachute during some free falls. During this amazing journey, I was sent a quote that I have adopted, that clearly describes my outlook. “Life isn’t about waiting of the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain!” What a fitting piece of advice for someone, like me, that equates “dancing” with joy and grace from You.
Probably the most significant lesson I have learned, this past year, is how to pray and how to trust. Through this journey, I experienced a flood of Your grace when I finally learned how to lean on You and to trust in You with all my heart, mind and soul. I used to avoid praying, specifically, because it was like “wishing upon a star.” If my prayer/wish did not come true, than I felt let down. Today I can pray, specifically, with confidence, knowing that it will draw me closer to you, through prayer, as I entrust others into your hands. “Specifically,” it lifts the weight of the prayer off my shoulders and into Your care. It focuses my attention on those that need prayer and creates a desire, in my heart, to reach out to those I pray for. Prayer is a universal language, not a magic act. It helps us to celebrate the joys in life and gives us strength through the storms of life. Prayer is a beautiful state of mind, as long as I treat it with respect, with confidence, with consistency and with love. Even when my specific prayers are not answered, in the manner I requested, I have finally learned to trust the answer. I need to trust that life is bigger than I can ever understand...which is why your Word tells me to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6.
Thank you for teaching me to trust...thank you for directing my path.
Learning to dance in the rain,
Laura
PS: The Patient's Patient, Bob the Patient, has fully recovered from his 9 day stay in the hospital. We thought he would be coming home on Easter Sunday, but he took a significant turn for the worst and did not come home until Wednesday, April 15th. It was a slow climb out of the pit, but I am happy to report he is back to being Bob the Builder, Bob the Gardener, and Bob the Adored Grandpa. Thank you for all your prayers as we continue to learn to "dance in the rain."
